


White Roses and Cold Hands

by PjUm_pa_PjuM



Series: HAIKYUU LOWKEY SAD SHET [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Denial, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hospitals, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Light Angst, M/M, Men Crying, Not Really Character Death, Roses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:00:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28342794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PjUm_pa_PjuM/pseuds/PjUm_pa_PjuM
Summary: The rose in his hand was not dead yet.She, however, was.**Or Tobio finally allows himself to grieve for his sister, and Oikawa is there to help.(i suck at summaries, just give it a try..)
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru
Series: HAIKYUU LOWKEY SAD SHET [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2076150
Comments: 8
Kudos: 75





	White Roses and Cold Hands

**Author's Note:**

> So I don't really know how long can flowers live so just bear with me okey?  
> Also, i don't really know what this is maybe I'll add a chapter, but.... I don't have the plot?? so.. take this.

He didn't think much of it.

Tehnically, it was just a rose, a white flower, fully bloomed. He could still smell a faint flowery smell, as the rose was not dead yet.

She, however, was.

The rose was not a gift or anything. His sister squeezed it in his hand, right beforee her last painful breath escaped his lips. He didn't know, where the offensive flower came from, but he could guess she was keeping it in the glass beside her hospital bed.

He didn't like flowers, not that he had any real reason to dislike them. He never brought her any, when he came to visit. She never said anything about it.

She just smiled at him, a painful twitch of her blueish lips, as he squeezed her weak hand in his. He knew, his mere presence was enough.

But she liked flowers.

  
And he didn't.

He still has the stupid white dying rose, she gave him on that fateful day. He didn't took any special care of it, he knew it was pointless. His sister didn't gave him the flower to be taken care of.

He knew that.

Why she still gave it to him anyway, that he didn't know.

  
And he can't actually bring himself to care. He doesn't know why he kept the flower either. It was the last thing he got from his sister, she didn't (she _couldn't_ ) said anything, she just squeezed the stupid flower in his hand.

And that was it. Her last goodbye was a fucking white rose.

  
He hated it, because that wasn't a proper way to say goodbye, was it?

"What's that?" asked his roomate, as he came back from the hospital. He knew Tobio didn't like flowers.

"A rose," he answered simply. Not to point out the obvious, but to avoid the real issue.

Shouyou however, could of course see through that. They weren't best friends for nothing. "Yeah, I can see that. Why do you have it? I thought you didn't like flowers?"

Tobio looked at the other man and simply said:"I don't. My sister gave it to me."

He waited for more questions, because the other man never left anything alone.

However, his statement was met with silence. And while he was grateful Shouyou didn't push him on, it was weird for the ginger to be this quiet.

He turned to look at his friend, who was already looking back. There was a soft, sad smile on his friend's face, and Tobio didn't understand it.

There was a glint in Shouyou's eyes, and the man didn't say anything else. He just squeezed Tobio's shoulder, like he wanted to say that he understands.

But there was nothing to understand. It was just a stupid rose, and useless plant, that was about to die, and nothing else.

So, why didn't he threw it away yet?

It has been three weeks, since he got it. And yet, he still held onto the dumb flower. The petals were falling off, ad the thing wasn't even pretty anymore.

It was ugly, uglier than before, the petals weren't even white.

It was rotting, and yet, he couldn't throw it away. It was probably because it was his beloved sister who gave him the nasty thing.

Shouyou didn't question the rotting rose on his desk again. It really was weird, that his friend didn't try to bring up the flower again, and Tobio should probably think about.

But he didn't, because the flower was just a rose, it didn't mean anything, and he didn't like it.

And he doesn't care.

But here he was, standing at the graveyard behind the church, with the rotten rose in his hand.

Or what was left of it.

Why he brought it with him, he doesn't really know himself. He just knew he didn't want to look at the plant any longer.

Because it was ugly, and it reminded him of death. His sister's death, to be exact. The pale petals were reminding him of the sickly pale fragile hands of his sister.

When she took his hand, her hand felt so weak and fragile, her hold didn't even count as a hold.

And her skin was so cold, he almost pulled away immediately.

But he didn't, he softly squeezed her fragile hand in his warm, and healthy ones. And he held her hand, even when her already weak hold weakened.

His blue eyes stinged at the memory, and he blinked rapidly. He didn't properly cry for his sister yet.

He didn't allow himself to cry, because he didn't allow himself to grieve for long.

He didn't cry when she told him about her disease, he didn't cry when she held his hand for the last time.

He needed to be strong for the both of them, because his sister couldn't.

So, he didn't allow himself to cry. Not even when her coffin was lowered in the ground.

And he is not about to cry now.

"My my, Tobio-chan! Has nobody told you it's kind of rude to lay a stinky flower on someone's grave?"

Oh, he most _definitely_ won't cry now, not in the presence of his former upper-classman.

"Oikawa-san," he said quietly, not even bothering to look at the other man. He kept his eyes on the sad flower in his hands.

Another petal fell off.

"What, you lost all your manners over the last couple of years or something? I asked you something you know," said Oikawa, with a slightly strained voice.

Why the other setter was still standing beside him, Tobio didn't know. He didn't ask for a converstaion.

But then again, he really didn't care about that at the moment.

"It's not mine," he mumbled. Quite a stupid thing to say. He wasn't exactly the brightest, but it was the truth, and he really didn't care what Oikawa was thinking about him right now.

"...What? I can't understand your mumbling, Tobio-chan." answered Oikawa, with his usual snarkyness, but his tone didn't match the words.

On any other day, Tobio might have noticed the lack of venom and sarcastic tone in the other man's voice. He would notice the way everyone's careful behavior around him.

But he didn't pay much attention to his surroundings, so everything went over his head.

"I said it's not mine," Tobio repeated and briefly glanced at Oikawa.

The man was looking at him with a strangely blank expression on his face, but the younger of the two didn't bother with explaining the look.

"I'm just returning it."

Oikawa didn't mask his surprise, as he raised his eyebrow. "You're returning... it?"

"Yes." he answered plainly. No need for big words, or any explanation. In fact, he didn't even want to talk about this with Oikawa.

Why didn't the other leave yet?

Apparently Oikawa didn't even need an explanation. He looked at the poor excuse for a flower, and then his eyes flicked to the gravestone.

And then something flickered in his brown eyes, and he looked at Tobio with the same expression Shouyou looked at him with three weeks ago.

But he didn't say anything else but: "I..see.."

Tobio just nodded quietly. He frowned at the offensive flower still clutched in his hand. He came to return it, to lay it on the dirt, to let go of the last part of his sister he carried with him.

_Ah._

The realization dawned on him as soon as that thought ocurred. That's why he didn't threw the flower away as soon as he set his foot out of the hospital.

That's why he kept it, rotting on his desk, that's why he didn't cry.

Because as soon as he would let go of the flower, everything will become reality.

The flower is dying, the owner of it is already dead. But his mind didn't grasp it yet. He didn't even realize, when he was starting to think so irrational.

That as long as he kept the flower, his sister wouldn't die. But that is such a stupid thought, childish hope.

Because he was there, when she died.

He was there, when she took her last breath.

He was right there holding her hand.

He was there, he felt it, when she squeezed his hand for the last time.

And he was definitely there, when her body was laid in the ground, he saw the coffin being buried six feet under.

And he now realised, why Shouyou looked at him with sad eyes. He now understood, why the shorter male didn't push him further.

He was grieving, but he was in denial.

And Tobio felt stupid. He felt like an idiot, standing there, beside his sister's grave, with a rotten flower in his hands.

He felt like the dumbest person ever to exist, and for the worst of all, Oikawa just had to be the one, to witness his weak moment of pure stupidity.

The other man probably found this situation hilarious, and Tobio practically served with new bullying material.

But Oikawa was uncharacteristically quiet for too long now.

But Tobio didn't care at the moment. Maybe, Oikawa would find a way to use this against him.

But that would be really low blow, even for Oikawa. And as much as the other setter disliked him, Tobio was sure the brunette was not that cruel.

But he didn't know Oikawa that well.

Maybe he should ask the older man to keep quiet, to not spread this around. But it didn't matter at the moment.

Because the rose crumbling in his hands was losing its scent, and there were only two petals left, barely holding on.

The flower in his hands was dead, and so was his sister.

Tobio didn't say goodbye at the funeral. He watched with glazed and distant eyes, as the white coffin (he asked for a white colour. Because his sister deserved a perly white coffin, to match her kind soul. Black coffin didn't seem right) was lowered in the ground.

He remembers warm hands squeezing his cold clammy ones. He remembers the words of grief, but he can't remember his own.

Because he didn't say goodbye. He didn't _want_ to say goodbye. He stood there, clutching the white flower in his hands.

Back then, the flower still looked alive, as Shouyou used to put it in the glass of water, when Tobio didn't.

He was still holding on a childsih sparks of hope.

But the rose was dead, and his hands were still cold. His eyes were focused on the pathetic plant, but they weren't dry.

He knew it was time to let go for real now.

He didn't say anything back then, but he had to say something now.

He took another step towards the grave, and crouched down in front of the tombstone.

He layed the once beautiful and white flower down on the grave. He let his cold fingers linger on the dirt, the dirt his sister was burried under.

"Goodbye Miwa," he whispered softly. He didn't had anything else to say. He felt tears gathering in his blue eyes again.

And he didn't let himself cry before. Not after that shameful game, not when they lost to Seijoh.

He didn't cry, because he thought of crying as an act of weakness and admitting defeat.

He wanted to be strong and brave, and he was strong and stoic for long enough. He loved his sister so much, and he didn't want her to know he was weak.

So he didn't cry, but she knew he wanted to. Because she looked at him softly everytime, and she hugged him tightly, and whispered: "It's okay, Tobio."

So he figured it would be okay to be a little weak now. He didn't want Oikawa of all people to see him like that, but Tobio didn't really care.

He didn't wiped away his tears, when they started flowing down his cheeks.

He let them all fall.

And once he let the first couple of tears fall, he couldn't stop them. Because he's been holding all inside for way too long. He didn't want to break down there, in front of Oikawa, in front of _Miwa._

But he couldn't breathe normally, as his throat close up, and he sobbed as he tried to take a breath.

He started shaking, as sobs wrecked his body, and he couldn't control his cries anymore. He didn't care aynmore, he let out a painful cry, as more tears falled from his eyes, on the dirt his beloved sister was buried under.

He wanted to scream out loud, because it was not fair. It was not fair his sister had to die, and leave him behind.

It was not supposed to be like this.

His sister was supposed to live a long happy life, but she didn't even got to marry yet. And it wasn't fair.

He put his head between his hands, as he sobbed uncontrollably. Miwa said it was okay, when she was diagnosied. She said it was okay, and that Tobio shouldn't grieve too much.

Tobio was so angry at her back then, he said things he didn't get the real chance to take them back. It wasn't fair it was his sister who died painfully, at such young age.

It wasn't fair to her, because she deserved better. And Tobio cried out again, loud and painful screech escaped his lips. He was tearing at his hair now, as he rocked back and forth, like maniac.

He couldn't breathe, because he was crying so much. His vision was blurred, and he tried to blink the blurriness away, but no matter how hard he blinked, his vision was still blurry.

And he tried to ease his breathing, but he couldn't, he could only choke on his sobs.

And then, there were hands grabbing his own away from his head. He jerked away from the hands, and tried to push the stranger away.

But the hands were grabbing his arms, and pulling him forward. He didn't know what was going and he tried to bat the warm hands away.

"Tobio! It's me! Tobio! It's okay!" he recognized Oikawa's voice after a moment and he stilled.

He let himself be pulled against the other man's chest, as he still sobbed uncontrollably.

He let himself be embraced, and he didn't flinch away, when Oikawa wrapped his arm around Tobio, and hugged him closer.Tobio felt Oikawa's fingers on his scalp, as the setter brushed his fingers through his hair.

"Shh...it's okay Tobio... you're okay.." Oikawa turned his head to the side, to whisper reassuring words in Tobio's ear.

The younger burried his face in the older man's neck, and wrapped his cold arms around Oikawa's middle.

Oikawa wasn't the ideal person to see him in times like this, but Tobio was hurting, and he wasn't hugged for so long.

Even if it was Oikawa, he didn't want to pull away from the warmth. And Oikawa didn't seem that eager to pull away either.

Tobio didn't know how long he was sobbing and clutching Oikawa's coat for. Oikawa was rubbing Tobio's back in a circle motion and whispered reassuring words in his ear.

Tobio never would've thought he would be in a situation like this, sitting in Oikawa's lap, rocking back and forth, crying his heart out.

But here they were.

Tobio pulled away after a moment, and Oikawa let him. They didn't say anything, as Oikawa slowly rose up, and pulled his former kouhai on his feet.

Tobio couldn't think of anything to say. The older setter saw him at his weakest moment, and there wasn't aynthing to say.

Tobio turned around to leave, before Oikawa could mock him for crying on his coat. But Oikawa pulled him back. He offered him a tissue, and the act reminded him of the time in middle school, when the roles were reversed.

He accepted the tissue, and wiped his face.

He expected some sarcastic comment, or maybe an insult from Oikawa. But he was met with silence, and he hesitantly looked up at the other man.

Oikawa was looking at him weirdly soft, and Tobio didn't know what it meant. He figured he might scare the older man with his sudden outburst.

But Oikawa smiled one of those real genuine smiles at him. His brown eyes were sad, as he took one of Tobio's smaller hands in his own.

He squeezed Kageyama's hand, as he said softly: "I'm sorry, for your loss."

Tobio blinked, and another tear fell from his eye, and rolled down his cheek. Oikawa wiped it away with his warms fingers.

The words of sorrow were so general, and he heard it a million times at the funeral. And maybe it was just Tobio, but he actually believed when Oikawa said them.

Because there was something sparkling in brown eyes, like Oikawa knew exactly how Tobio felt.

They were both at the graveyard, so it made sense.

Tobio couldn't voice out any proper response, so he settled on a nod of his head. He couldn't squeeze Oikawa's hand, because the other man had his grasped in the two of his own.

Oikawa squeezed his cold hand in his warm hands one last time, before he let go. He looked like he was ready to leave, but he stopped mid step.

Tobio expected the other to say something, like maybe a cruel joke, or call him a crybaby. But Oikawa raised his hand, and ruffled Tobio's hair.

"Take care of yourself Tobio-chan, would you? I can't properly beat you on the court, if you're not in tip top shape, you know?" said Oikawa.

And maybe, Tobio would scoff at him, if these words were thrown at him under diferent circumstances. But he quietly nodded his head this time.

Oikawa smiled at him for the last time, before he turned around to walk away. And Tobio didn't watch him leave. He glanced at the sad ugly flower on Miwa's grave for tha last time, before he too, walked away.

He walked away empty handed, because the flower was left behind. The rose was dying before, but it was dead now, left to slowly decompose in the dirt.

Just like his sister.

~

The next time he visited his sister, the dead flower he brought was gone. But there was a new one, another, alive white rose, blooming in its place.

**Author's Note:**

> So tell me. Did ya like it?


End file.
